Last time I was on a Greyhound Bus was about 6 years ago almost to the day.. I was with my big bosom blonde girlfriend and we had been on the rocks yet again.. I was hanging out at my cousins house for his graduation party with much of my family… plotting yet ANOTHER road trip… specifically to visit the beaches of Florida.
-grin-
I had a taste of what living in the South was like… I used to drive down to play in disc golf tournaments all the time, and when we would stay in my girlfriends fathers condo near Daytona Beach, we would drive across the state just to visit my Uncle Jim, I recall my girls’ father asking me one day while we were at the condo, “Do you know anybody around 35-45 around 5′ 5″ or so with dark hair and has a life of her own? Like a professional woman.. where can I find someone like that?”
I don’t have many regrets in life, but one of them would definitely be answering that question with…
“Well… that sounds like my mom..”
But that… is a whole different story altogether…
When I would get burnt out on my Midwest World and have a few extra bucks in my pocket.. I would tend to want to get the hell out of my miserable town and the miserable scenario.. and try to have as much fun as possible in a town that had no idea who I was.
The road was my best friend.. and to this day..
It still is.
With my cousin raking in all kinds of cash at his graduation party, I soon realized that he was an ideal candidate to take with me on my road trip, he was about the closest thing I had to a brother growing up… oh the trouble we got into… and the things we got away with… HAHAHAHA damn… I was such a rebel. -grin- He had gotten himself attached to a girl that went to the same school as my girl.. (more small town bullsh!t) at one point, all 4 of us worked at the Tumbleweed Bar and Grill together. When I had brought the plan up to him, he insisted on bringing her with him… part of the reason I wanted to get away was to get away from my b!tch for a week or so, but… now a new twist on the idea came into view.
The 4 of us would go together.
Sure enough… about 24 hours later,
we were road trippin’ fools.
We all had a pretty good trip down, my ex and I found out that you could do just about and sexual position in the backseat of a Dodge Daytona and not even bump the seats in front if you were … slick.
-grin-
and damn was she slick…
I think we much have smoked about half an ounce between the 4 of us in the shortest trip I’ve ever had to get us to Gulf Coast beach… My cousin is hardcore… perhaps even more-so than I.. While I made the Florida trip in around 13-14 hours on New Years Eve Day the last time I returning from there, I think he made it to my favorite beaches in about 12 1/2 hours… when we all woke up in the car and it was barely daylight, I saw signs for the intended destination just up ahead and thought…
No F*CK!NG way! That’s my BOY! That’s how we roll, hahaha.
We had no clue on where we would stay or how we were going to spend our days, but one thing was for sure… we didn’t want to blow a sh!t load of money on a hotel… we found our Salvation via the KOI campground of South St Pete, we had no tent, but in the back corner of the smallest campgrounds we had ever seen sat a few tiny little cabins that slept up to 4 people, It was a cool thing… just no A/C and the bathrooms and showers were about 2000 feet away, but we had a great view of a couple of overpasses and a chain-link fence that separated the campgrounds from an industrial park. For us Midwest-ians… this was NOT camping, this was hanging out in the city.
We had a great time… we took shifts -ahem- “hanging out” in the cabin with our respective mates, and even tossed my discs from disc golf around the campground a few hours a night before we would build a campfire and sit around and just bullsh!t… a few nights we went and played pool on the crappy pool table they had after swimming and playing mini golf –
KOA is the sh!t, yo.
One night we all ventured out to The Beach early in the morning, there were hardly any people around at all, apparently we had beaten the summer rush to the area and practically had the whole beach to ourselves. That was the day we learned that sex in saltwater is just as enjoyable as sex in the swimming pool haha… I so f*ct the snot out of that girl… damn… The time came where we finally had to leave, and I guess it couldn’t have been much better timing… we all had our lives that we had to get back to, yet we still had a great time. That’s when it all fell apart… I woke up in nothing but my swimming trunks and my girl on my chest as my cousin was driving though MACON COUNTY GEORGIA, instead of driving around it via I-475.
“Don’t get pulled over in Georgia… the cops around here do NOT mess around.”
That was one of the first things I said to my cousin on the way down to Florida as I handed him my trusty old Radar Detector that I was sure to bring with us.. unfortunately, as always, he never took the advice of others…
still to this day even…
The radar detector was unplugged…
but the cop was following us for a long time before he finally pulled him over. He was doing 80 in a 65… The officer gets on his loud speaker and tells him to get out of the car, so he jumps out and he is swarmed instantly and patted down… he had a VERY used bowl in his pocket… they slapped the cuffs on him right away and stuck him in the back of the car…
right about then, another car pulls up.
His girl stuffed what was left of the O we had when we left into a pillow case just before the police officers tell us all to get out of the car…
Keep in mind I’m still wearing nothing but swim shorts..
The officers totally dug through everything in the car, all of our luggage and all of our pockets and the interior of the car and everything… Since we were all in cahoots with “The Guy that knows a Guy” when it came to getting hooked up with herbs.. we had forgotten all about the 20 sack that my girl had bought just before we left so that we could have a little smoke for the trip down. She never really bought it, and she had just started smoking just a few short months before…
I still remember that little pink gym bag that she had forever… it was in the side pocket.
The officer says
“What about this? huh? who does this belong too?”
Without so much as a hesitation, I said: “It’s mine.”
He told me to turn around and put my hands behind my back…
I guess the fact that there was nothing but female underwear and feminine hygiene products in the bag never really crossed the officers mind…
but I was kind of relieved really…
I had already had “an incident” happen a year or so before and I didn’t want my girl to be taking a charge with her clean record and all… I had been caught in the car with someone who got busted in a sting for buying a dime bag… (I always get hit for the smallest things) so I had made the snap decision to take the hit for it, I didn’t want to see my girl go to jail and may not be able to become the doctor she wanted to become with that on her record…
God I loved that girl to pieces…
but…
keep in mind I’m still in nothing but my swimming trunks and a pair of semi-wet shoes with no socks on.
For some reason they arrested my cousins girl too initially, when they put us in the car together she was FREAKING OUT. She was trembling and screaming and crying…
I felt so bad…
I used my super flexible powers and got my handcuffed wrists around my feet to wipe off her face from all the snot and tears… What ever the reason… they let her go.
So it was now up to the girls to get us out of jail…
I begged and pleaded with the officer to let me get some clothes and more importantly, my wallet!
He wouldn’t do it.
Prick.
So my cousin and I sat in jail for about 2 hours before we saw the girls again… and here his woman was talking about how she had to be back to our Midwest hometown by tomorrow night so she could take a test for college placement or something like that and she would just have to come back for us when she was finished.
I said HELL NO.
I seriously doubt I’ve ever been more desperate in my life… but I looked at my girl dead in the eye and I said:
“Baby… you gotta get us out of here… whatever it takes… you can’t leave us here…”
I told her my PIN codes for my bank cards and she got enough money to get me out with, but my cousin had to have his grandfather wire him some money… apparently he had lost his wallet somewhere in Florida before we left… It was a sad state of affairs…
So finally, about 6 hours later, after finger printing, and mug shots, and freezing my @$$ off with no f*ck!ng clothes on in the jail cell… good thing too, because they said another few hours and we would have had to go to county jail for the night… I dunno about you, but County Jail in Macon County Georgia is about the LAST place I EVER want to visit…
Finally! about $1200 later, we were free again.
But my cousins woman was being such a C#NT about the whole thing. She was b!tching the whole time… and I was just about to smack the snot out of her. On our way back to the car she threw his keys on the ground, and stormed off to the passenger side.
I lost it on a trick.
“What the F%CK! What the f&ck is your problem?! Do you realize we just got out of JAIL!? Do you have any f#ck!ng clue what that was like for us??”
She responded with the same trembling and screaming as she was doing in the back of the cop car…
The girl had issues… apparently.
She even went as far to tell me cousin to “beat my @$$” haha. I put my hand on his shoulder and said “You know you’re my dude, but I just couldn’t sit back and not say anything anymore man…”
We were all so stressed out and pissed off… when we went to the Western Union to pick up the money that got wired, so I could get paid back.. his girl just started FLIPPING out. I looked at my girl and said “we gotta find a different way home…” I got on the payphone and started calling everything from U-hual trucks to limo services – that’s when someone over heard me say something about trying to get back home…
That’s when they said it:
“You know… there is a Greyhound bus station right there…”
Sure enough… this place was about 1500 feet from me the whole time and I didn’t even notice it.
After my cousin tried to get his girl to get back in the car… after letting her beat him the hell up, bloody his lip, and bruise and claw and scratch him all over.. all the while, begging:
“PLEASE! just PLEASE get back in the car!”
The cops got involved yet again… an undercover loss prevention officer had intervened and called the police, and the message they relayed back to them was basically this:
If you don’t get out of town in the next 30 minutes, we would all go back to jail for disturbing the peace. I didn’t find any of this out until later… we were grabbing all of our gear and headed to the bus station after
I told my cousin the story of how we were getting the hell away from that crazy chick…
poor guy.
I thought I had it bad…
But he understood and gave me that look of sorrow as we stiff armed and high-stepped our way right onto a bus that was part of the transfer schedule to our Midwest destination. It was like it was just meant to be, we only had to wait about 10 minutes to spare by the time we bought our tickets.
That… was the first time and the last time I’ve been on a Greyhound Bus.
I remember being in Atlanta and meeting a nice black guy that kept calling my girl “boo” and asked me if I smoked… I said “hell yea!” I hadn’t wanted to get high that bad in a long long time… he said he knew of a spot where we could get a dime on the streets of downtown Atlanta… that was also the only time I’ve ever been in the city limits of Atlanta.. haha, to buy drugs… anyway, he was true to his word and got us the skimpiest dime I’ve ever seen in my life.. but it was really good, it was almost humorous how the dealer was slingin’ is wares… it was like a bunch of homeless dudes b!tch!ng about the government, they didn’t stop b!tch!ng to make the sale, just paused in mid sentence to do the secret handshake passover. It was a slick operation. The least I could do was smoke it with the cat that got us hooked up.. but we only had 20 minutes until the next transfer bus departed and I was extremely worried about missing it… given my recent luck and all. I didn’t really get to enjoy smoking it with the worry hanging out my head.
We said our goodbyes and parted ways… we grabbed our stuff and when we got outside again, I saw the bus we were on before… hauling @$$ down the street.. I flipped out, started chasing after it, dropping my blanket as I was beating on the door of the bus…
PLEASE STOP!
PLLLLEEEEEEASE NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
The bus driver just looked at me and shook his head and turned the corner… I turned to look at the audience I now had… someone informed me that the next bus was the bus that I wanted to get on anyway.. Talk about feeling like an @$$hole… I’ve had my share of humble pie that day… and it was just getting better and better… that whole experience pretty much killed any buzz I had as well, but… at least I can say I’ve been to Atlanta! When we were on the bus, we ended up having a real heart to heart about things… about how we felt about each other, and how much we cared for one another… which led to lots of intimate talk… touching… kissing… and… yes… I nailed her on the Greyhound Bus… I’m so bad.. I’m not for certain anyone saw us, I mean.. i was trying to be slick about it.. and I definitely wasn’t going for distance.. but I would be able to tell if somebody was f
f#ck!n’ on the bus, you know? at least the bus wasn’t packed, there were 3 out of 5 empty surrounding benches and all but one person looked passed out haha… anyway.. we finally made it to the nearest large city to home, where we had “our parents” come pick us up and take us home again… I haven’t thought about this whole story in a long time… My blogs have been very reminiscent lately, always looking back to the past for the answers to my issues of today…
Strange how things like this kept me and my ex together for so long… I had a lot of intense times with this girl, and I really thought I had trust issues for a long time. Between her lies, and my own self doubt, she got away with f^ck!ng at LEAST 9 guys in the time we were together.. and that’s just what I had the stomach to find out about… after I hit ..8 I was just like… ok… why do I keep trying to find out about more?? ugh! So I told her to go to hell and went and got tested… thankfully I didn’t end up with a green d!ck.
What I’d like to know is…
how did she find the time?! and how didn’t I notice??
one of them was even my own best friend… the same cat that I thought would always have my back… no matter what.
I just thought that was messed up… as it turns out, I had trust issues for a reason.
After all, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they are NOT after you. From then on, I made up my mind to trust my instincts… Back to the present time… I was going to fly up to my old hometown for this particular adventure and borrow someones car or rent one and take care of my house B.S. up north, but it will cost me more than I’m willing to spend ($400+)… I found a one way bus ticket each way for less than $70! I just have to buy them at least 7 days in advance, I think I can handle that… so…
Maybe I’ll have another exciting Greyhound Bus Story to tell someday…
stay tuned… and wish me luck…
It’s been a lot more difficult lately, but I’m true to my own philosophy: Hakuna Matata
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