I can’t be the easiest pill to swallow when it comes to being committed to me in a serious relationship… not with a Social Media profile and a lifestyle like mine.  I’m constantly meeting new people, particularly women, and striking up unique conversations and developing odd relationships.  I keep the CRAZIEST of inconsistent hours, and I lead the most interesting of lives in regards to my passions and travels.  I like to have my personal space, and alone time, along with thoughts and ideas of my own, independent of all outside influences.  It would take a very strong and secure woman to discover the truths of my motives and understand the intent of my pursuits of happiness and fulfillment…

With that being said…

The most difficult obstacle to overcome for any lover of mine would have to be this:

I am completely intrigued by Women.

While I give my whole heart to anyone I feel a deep meaningful, passionately romantic love, it takes a level of understanding and comfort from my mate to discern the differences in my friendships with other women to be able to fully comprehend how loyal and sincere my hearts blood runs.

I’ve been faced with these issues in my past loves lost, and yet I never could give a valid explanation as to why I am the way I am.  Upon confrontation of such quirks as these, I’ve found that I am simply at a loss for an explanation of my actions, and turn to the hopes of comforting my lover… and reassuring her that I am with her and only her… for a very special reason.

“I’ve fallen in love and I don’t want anyone else but you.”

It makes perfect sense to me… yet I am also aware of my own insecurities and am fully aware that if I heard such a thing coming from a lover of mine, I would be dissatisfied with such a generic answer regarding to such a serious question.

So now what?

As of late, I have been reflecting on some of the issues that make me so hard to understand… so different from the rest of the herd.  It’s something that I have never bothered to give much thought, because I know in my own heart that any mate of mine has NOTHING to be concerned with.  In my own mind, selfish as it may be, I never considered the vantage point of a woman with such insecurities.  I always trusted that I would be able to comfort and convince without question or doubt…

What I am realizing now… is that people, much like myself, develop trust issues during the trials of love.  While women are known for their stunning capabilities of selling lies and likewise bullshit… Men… have apparently developed similar talents.  Combine trust issues with personal moments of weakness full of doubt and despair… along with my lackadaisical justification and weak explanation for my social habits… you get adverse results…

I’ve found that some women try to “one up” a guy and do something with another man behind his back, no matter how minuet or major it may be.  It’s somewhat immature of an action… to create something secret in order to balance the feelings of curiosity and worry coming from your own heart… and we all known what happens when instincts kick in and show someone for whom they really are beneath the lies and secrets.

The truth has a funny way of always coming out.

Some women go into a state of denial and confusion, which ultimately pulls her apart from the love that once intertwined their 2 hearts together… ultimately, resulting in unhappiness and discontent in a relationship…

And then… a strong woman… will try to power through her own thoughts and demand to have a mans love be vindicated unto her, and will not rest until a valid explanation is heard… strangely enough, making it impossible to be reasoned with while “in the moment” and need to be talked to and comforted as she continues to verbally pummel the one that loves her.

Perhaps there are more flavors to this dish of discord, but one or a combination of all the above is generally what I have found in my personal experiments in Love.  I’d like to think that there is a woman that has the understanding and confidence that can compliment my ability to understand the attention she draws upon herself and how she handles it as well.  I personally have troubles trust her that does not trust me, and I know for a FACT that it works both ways.

Realistically, all it takes is a solid foundation.  If you can pour a solid foundation, it will cure, and forever sustain the weigh that each will bare.  To have a solid foundation, you need to first have understanding… and most importantly…

Trust.

To trust that your lover has your best interest at heart and is void of an ulterior motive is essential.  Beyond that, you need the ability to convey to your lover your intentions in such a way they themselves can comprehend and relate to.  All of this is assuming, of course, your own heart is true and void of malicious intention.  Obviously it’s not going to work if you’re a douche bag trying to pull the wool over the eyes of another.

At least… not for long.

In my personal case, I need a woman that realizes that I am content and happy with her and would never do anything to jeopardize our union.  I give my everything to my Lover… I personally lack the ability to even get an erection without genuine emotion and attraction… which is why I find it so difficult to move on after being madly in love… my heart and body are still intertwined with the comfort of her being… with the learned responses to her scent… her touch…  her voice… her skin…

Her body…

For others it’s much different, some others enjoy the letting go of the past and embracing new experiences, physical or otherwise.  Do what suits you, yet… don’t try to kid yourself.  Someone out there likes to read Peanuts with an ice cold non-fat Latte and a bag of Funyuns on a windy day, just like you.  Have faith that you will be fulfilled by someone and when they do appear in your life, you will appreciate them as much as they will appreciate you staying true to what you value as well.

At least I like to think so…

That feeling of appreciation can be jaded by random flings, or poor relationship decisions of the past… on both accounts.  Those that commit acts of faithlessness and empty pleasures can become morally thin and self loathing, while those that choose to be choosey and wait for that something special to come along to invest themselves in, can develop animosity towards their potential mate for not sharing the same values.  Then there are the hypocrisies that we as humans commit, in despising someone else’s decisions that are very reminiscent of their own ill will.  We tend to dislike that which we don’t like in our own selves the most.

I know I do…

What happens to me… is the same issues keep resurfacing, but many of my trust issues stem from a distrust of ME from my love interest.

It all keeps coming back… to “What It Is” about women that I am so completely fascinated by…

After much deliberation, and maybe a few jolts to my lifestyle, pride, and ego, I think I’ve begun to unravel the mystery.

Sure… there are the obvious reasons why everyone, both sexes, is intrigued with women…

They’re pretty; they are very attractive creatures and a LOT of fun to look at.

They’re soft and sensual – well… at least the feminine of women are – I have come in contact with many “girls” that don’t know the first thing about pleasing a man, or anyone for that matter.  Not even themselves…

They are creatures of passion and lack the confinement of logical thinking.  While I have met many BRILLIANT women, I will go as far to stereotype women as a whole for being less logical by nature than men.  It’s in no way a bad thing.  Hell, I wish I could stop thinking with my brain so much sometimes… and just follow my heart instead.

However… that tends to get me into a lot of trouble…

But I like trouble… haha… or is it trouble likes me?…

Anyway…

What it is…

Women possess the ability to be far more forgiving of themselves.

 

I believe that I first realized this in growing up with a single mother, and in very dire circumstances… this is just the first time I’ve been able to convey the thought and idea…  an idea that I can honestly say I envy.

A lot of my life as of late has been pointing towards issues of my past, that I’ve never really dealt with… or at least dealt with well.  History repeats itself when you don’t learn from it.  I have an admiration of women in this regard of letting the past fall to the way side and live life with an open heart and without fear of repercussions.

Women often possess the ability to not wallow in pain and anguish, to go through the emotional roller coaster, and survive it, only to let go of the past, and create a new future.

What I often discover, is that not all women have the same level of ability, some women will indeed wallow in the pain and self-pity… women of such nature will typically benefit the most from having a renewed confidence from meeting someone new, who will tell them everything they ever wanted to hear… and revive their self image to a point that they will appreciate them for the positive vibes… often resulting in a new train of thought on the idea of a fresh relationship.  Careful guys… this is where the “Friend Zone” lines are etched into reality…

I’ve seen it time and time again.

Then there are the women that are indecisive… often stringing along their lover to the point that they feel comfortable enough to detach.   Haha, if you have ever read some one my older blogs… you’ll see what I mean.  I am typically “that guy” that ends up shat upon, and abandoned.  It’s my own fault…  I lack the gumption to separate myself from the situation…

In all honesty, it’s because I lack the ability to just drop what I’ve spent so much time on… put so much faith in… so much PASSION … effort…

Time…

I just can’t let go when I need to… even if it’s for my own good.

Women… typically, can do this FAR more easily that I ever could.  While I know there are those that share the same strife as I do… I have seen over and over again, these same women develop new “friendships” with the eyes of a single woman.  Don’t think for one moment that its just a coincidence fellas… she is definitely looking past you, and making strides to leave you behind romantically.  I used to loathe women that pulled that kind of shit, but now…  I see that I have done the same thing in my past as well… it’s just a lot different for a man than it is a woman.  To find a quality girl…  men MUST be slick about it.  A woman can be slick… but she doesn’t really have to be, it doesn’t take nearly as much effort for a woman to find a new worthy suitor that will comfort her and tell her all the things that you can’t because you have so much of an emotional investment along with all the resentment and anger.  While sure… I could go and find a women ready willing and able to “throw down” with me, or better yet, fuck with my head, but me…

I choose to be choosey.

I’m no fool… I’m not that naïve.

If someone walks into your life after a serious heartbreak, it’s REAL fucking easy to get all wrapped up in the high of something new.  Why do you usually hear stories of women moving on while the ex is still trying to make sense out of it all and somehow win her back?

You can not TELL me that is NOT something to be marveled…

Wow

How the FUCK do you work inside?

I will never fully understand it…

I wouldn’t want to.

A little mystery can be a lot of fun.

But I just can’t stop trying… maybe its closer than it is too far.  I’m a firm believer in the idea that love should come easy…

and Die Hard.

I know I make many assumptions and generalizations… yet I know just as well as anyone… that there are exceptions to every rule.

Just look at me…

Shouldn’t I be the usual single guy going out getting ass every chance I can and toying with others hearts and minds?  Covering my tracks so the next one in line isn’t jealous of the one before her?  I definitely do NOT fit the bill of the average guy when it comes to love and life…

I couldn’t be that way if I tried…

Yet I have come to a place in life where I am able to date many girls, and not be romantically attached… but I don’t think I want to go back there again…  it’s so hollow and empty, although it does give you a better grasp of what you desire from Love…

Time will tell.

I believe that a lot of it has to do with where you are in life…  If you have truly recovered from your lost love woes, and you are just looking to have a good time, then you should be honest with yourself, and do just that.  Don’t look for anything too serious, because you are just going to hurt yourself, and maybe even someone else… someone else that deserves better than you’re able to give them right now.

That’s where I’m at, so that’s why it’s so easy for me to write it out upon this digital canvas…

I’ve got a lot weighing on my mind, and my heart right now.

To Me… this is all a part of What “it” is.

And that’s ok.

Life is not a race to see who can out do who first, or one up someone else, or better yourself by harming someone else… no…  with that kind of a vindictive mentality, its not a race against anyone…

But yourself

Slow down

Just be you

For you.

Trust me.

Someone special will thank you for it one day.

 

It’ll come when you least expect it.

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